Saturday, March 24, 2007
hatred
what???
so what???
as if i choose to....
i dun wan any of the money...
i dun deserve it...
im juz a part timer come here to zhuo bo lan...
i happy...
i juz wanna get the hell outta here..
its not where i belong..
i didnt come here to be made a fool for entertainment..
shyt~
not happy?
its ok..
im even more not happy den u all..
i juz wanna do things tt make myself happier..
is it a crime?
is it wrong?
sorry to be an eyesore to everyone..
i see myself oso as an eyesore..
everytime i try to get up..
theres sure somebody coming along to step on me fiercely..
i didnt say anithing doesnt mean i feel nothing..
i juz swallow back everything and listen..
i tried to take the initiative to ask ard..
but why did i wake up so early juz to come back?
is this wad i get in return?
fug off la..
im not a scape goat for everyone to blame fault on..
i do not take any responsibilities to take in everything u all say..
i got my own say too..
but in this world i juz seem so insignificant..
money is the root to all evil..
becoz of money ppl will do anithing for it..
man without money is nothing..
or issit...
man: "without money, its nothing.."
i prefer the latter..
since young i been having prejudices about wich ppl and money..
wad can money bring to u?
happiness?
if so..
wad if one day the money runs out?
does it implies that the happiness will run out as well?
can money buy friendship?
for how long can it last?
can money buy a life?
how cheap can my life get?
im juz a worthless piece of shyt..
end of story..
these few weeks had nv been happy b4..
wad i felt is juz...
anger..
hatred..
sadness..
anxious..
useless..
fear..
wtf is happening to me??
wtf is happening ard me??
wtf is going on in this world??
why did i first start playing bball??
from wad i remember..
its becoz i think tt its fun..
i think tt i can make more frenz..
i think tt it can make me stronger..
but after so long..
wad has it turned into??
hatred is overwhelming joy..
we all wanna be strong..
wad i been thinking is juz how to defeat the opponent
how to be more fierce
how to score
how to improve
it seems that the reason to play had turn to become something sinister
it seems that the joy n laughter i once had is already long gone..
it seems that i made more foes den frenz..
it seems that i had become weaker by the days..
from since i once love bball so much..
it turns out tt i hate it as much too..
wad will tml be for me?
will there be any?
will i survive it thru?
is there still a long way ahead of me?
nobody has the responsibility to be there for me..
nobody will be there all the time..
i once believed in forever..
but it seems like its juz another fairytale that is not workable in reality
everything that has a beginning..
has an end..
juz like myself..
sometimes i juz wish tt i can control my fate.. my destiny..
it hasnt been written..
it hasnt become history..
but why issit human alwaz realise the truth when its too late?
no pain.. no gain..
greater risks come with greater achievement..
at the same time..
greater disappointment..
....
what the hell am i talking about??
what is real?
what is not?
how do u noe tt its real??
does it matter??
i juz wanna be happier..
is it really tt difficult??
i duno..
i really duno anymore..
f a d e d ~
Posted by BeBe at 8:34 PM