Saturday, May 19, 2007

help

sometimes i wonder.. do anyone really see wad im typing here? coz i cant really find any other ways to express how im feeling inside.. except juz to blast everything here.. im really lost.. can somebody come n guide me along? if not.. would anyone be juz so kind to end my miserable life so tt i dun hav to to thru all this.. i noe this sounds crazy.. maybe every reader is juz thinking that.. 'this emo kid is juz full of crap'.. nobody may believe in me.. and i dun expect anyone to believe in me.. but do i? i do.. actually.. would appreciate if ppl could believe in me.. but maybe im juz so insignificant in their life.. that doesnt make any difference..

20 years had past.. till now.. i still dun understand myself.. who am i? how can i expect others to understand me when i myself oso dun understand myself? i aint myself anymore.. i duno who am i anymore.. who can i talk to? who can tell me who im? i really freaking hate myself.. how crazy can i get any further? i slashed myself on my arm.. i ride a bike facing the opposite direction.. i juz wanna freaking get myself killed.. i juz hate myself so much.. disappointed.. in everything.. everything that everyone taught me since the cradle is bullshit.. i juz cant accept the truth.. its far beyond my imagination.. this world is juz too real for me to handle.. i wanna break free.. lost in words.. too abstract.. i juz dun wish to comment anymore..

all i wanna do is find a way back into love.. sometimes i juz wanna hav somebody besides juz to accompany me.. maybe come out get together to hav a drink and a little chat session.. or juz simply lay back n gaze at the stars.. im juz so disappointed.. in myself.. i juz dun dare to utter a word.. im a very straight forward person.. and i dun really like to keep things.. but as time past by.. the trust for others decreases.. and it soon formed a barrier between me and the others.. ppl that r once my gd frenz.. were long gone.. leaving us wif unsaid goodbyes.. soon forgotten and forgone.. nv did we see each other again..

shit.. mind blank in progress..

.. forget it.. dun feel like blogging liao.. continue some other time.. or get to me if anyone do care.. i juz wanna noe.. wad the f is happening to me..

Posted by BeBe at 1:33 AM

Thursday, May 17, 2007

=]

yawnz~

walked since afternoon till nite..

tired..

was hoping can get some nice sleep..

but juz cant get to sleep..

toss n turn..

thinking of alot of things..

listening n singing along to songs in my phone..

finally fell asleep at 4am

but was awake at 7am..

duno y but juz so used to waking up at 7 every morning..

went back to sleep..

was awoke by a phone call at 9..

rejected the call and back to sleep..

was awoke by the same phone call at 10..

rejected it without 2nd thot..

and im wake up..

not feeling sleepy at all..

wide awake..

i wanna do something right in my life..

at least like how other ppl are..

i hope i am..

at least for this month's time..

=]

Posted by BeBe at 12:33 PM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

speak no evil

its now 9.28am.. woke up everyday like 7 or 8.. actually theres more den enough time for me to be on time for work.. but i juz would be slacking at home.. thinking thru the same question everyday.. shld i or shld i not go for work.. its not the work that irritates me.. but juz.. i duno.. i got dozens of work that i hav yet to do at home.. i still got a website to do.. i still gotta train.. i still got many more things to do.. but im still stuck in this company.. .. correction.. i still staying in this company.. they didnt tie me up or anithing.. but juz that i dun wanna leave.. yet.. its not for the money that im working for.. but i juz wanna help them out.. i aint deaf.. i aint blind.. im juz playing dumb.. i heard wad u all were saying.. i juz didnt say anithing.. and i thot that it wouldnt be a gd time for me to leave.. maybe till clearing some work for them.. sure i'll miss u guys.. cheers..

Posted by BeBe at 9:26 AM

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

赢不了

我不想就这样一直走

每天都遇上充满敌意那种眼光

等机会就是要打倒对方

这种结果我不要

这虚荣的骄傲

这目的很好笑

我其实都知道

你只是想炫燿

我永远做不到

你永远赢不了

我永远做不到

你永远赢不了

永远都赢不了

Posted by BeBe at 2:06 AM

selfishness

changes in me..

makes me..

no longer myself anymore..

i wanna be selfish..

i wanna do something big..

i wanna..

leave everything..

i dun wanna be..

wasted..

anger is more useful den despair..

take it and die trying..
or leave it and try dying..

3rd option?

continue to be a piece of trash..

Posted by BeBe at 1:52 AM

die or not to die?

1 thing that i learnt.. u dun hav to tell anybody if u really wanna die.. juz die quietly and everything will be fine.. no worries no trouble dun hav to face anithing anymore.. the more u tell ppl that u wanna die.. the more u dun wanna die actually.. its juz the attention that u wan from ppl.. that u see other ppl as neglecting u.. wanting them to ask how r u feeling.. juz wanna be the center of attention.. but it juz aint gonna work.. u see.. doesnt it make u seem so pathetic? to use this kinda cheap methods to seek for attention.. juz die will ya.. i wunt stop anyone to die.. its not worth the effort since his/her mind is set.. so dun try to stop me too if u found that i wanna die..

Posted by BeBe at 1:09 AM

Saturday, May 05, 2007

shan zai shan zai

hmm..
it didnt went as i planned..

i only left office at 7..
reach home at 8..
went out again at 9..
movie till 12..
slack out wif my frenz till 3..
only get some rest at 4..
woke up at 8..
reach back home at 9..
and damn its gonna be a long day today again..
overdue submission till night
bball session before 3 till 6
and im a damn walking zombie
havnt had eaten anything since ytd lunch
maybe my fren mentioned something tt i didnt notice..
i like to torture myself.. =D

yea man.. so proud of it.. =.='''

Posted by BeBe at 9:12 AM

Thursday, May 03, 2007

er mi tuo fo

wooo~

slp at 3
woke up at 10
went back to trim hair at 12
reach office at 1
koala bear reach at 4
run out to ikea at 5
off to ABC for dessert at 6
on my way to bugis wif Ms Show at 7
checking out new games at arcade at 8
journey back to tiong to meet ray at 9
off to HMV till 10
still at borders to browse magazines till 11
back at henderson at 12
meet cammie and bebe and xiao xin till 2
reach home at 3
comics thru the nite till 4
finally some rest at 5
phone rang at 9
only to see the msg tt follows at 10
started raining since 11
the time now is 12
suppose going back to office at 1
going ritz carlton to collect stuff maybe at 2
getting outta there at mayeb 3
not intending to stay in office till later den 4
thinking of wad to do after 5
hope i can last till 8
maybe meeting cammie again after 9
dinner maybe at 11
wanna get some sleep before 12
and deadline to submission in 24 hrs

i wanna zzz... =.='''