Friday, December 29, 2006
lemon tree
sometimes i really wonder.. wads the point of me writing all these shyt here when it doesnt even hav a meaning or purpose.. does anybody really care about wad i write here? care about how i feel? care about anything? damn freaking sick man.. alwaz thinking of these things and juz have to keep them to myself.. wads the point of me announcing to everybody? wad can they do? wad gd will it bring? telling everyone about ur sad stories.. oh save it man.. already lost hope in everything.. damn sian.. everything happen so fast.. my life is in black n white now.. everyday doing the same thing over n over again.. when im back at home facing the 4 walls talking to myself.. demoralizing.. hello.. anybody hear me? well.. doesnt really matter who heard me or hurt me.. juz wanna die.. even if im gone i dun think no body will noe.. nor maybe nobody even cares.. yes.. will.. be in grief.. for a while.. and things will be normal after awhile.. please.. im 20.. not 2 years old kid.. please stop treating me like some dumb shyt arse kids.. do anyone really noe me? do you? do I? ... alwaz on the losing side.. wad else can i do? trying to keep up wif the freaking smile n silly acts infront of everyone.. nobody really see the reverse side of it.. see me thru a mirror.. the smile is actually inverted.. well at least i get some peace this xmas by spending it alone.. rather den like last year.. which i dun wanna mention anymore.. but the images is still flashing thru my mind.. who can help me to forget? brainwash me.. please.. or juz kill me.. thanks.. when ppl r in love.. they dun seem to care about other things other den their loved ones.. 3 yrs.. wad did i get? why did i spend so much time n effort? i may not wan anithing in return.. but... argh.. fcuk it la.. i noe im not with words.. but who can really listen to me? without any words said...? who is really there when i need someone? why? why? why? wads happening to me??? simply becos im feeling sad.. angry.. depressed.. suicidal.. moodless.. tired.. numb.. silly.. or wadeva shit la.. even so.. who cares?.. maybe nobody see wad im typing here now.. nor maybe this is juz another blog that appear on the internet with no meaning.. juz toking crap.. juz toking out the heart of a 20 year old alive-but-dead guy.. i dun really see the me that im used to be.. everyday.. everynite.. every minute.. every now n then.. im thinking of how u r doing.. will u be sick? did u take ur medicine? had enough rest? remember to eat ur meals? happy? sad? wan somebody to talk to? are u really happy together with him? ... money cant solve probs.. if a prob can be solved by money den its not even a prob.. i may not be rich.. i may not be able to afford expensive gifts to make u happy nor bring u to any high class hotel or restaurant or bring u go on a trip to oversea.. wad i only have is a true heart.. happiness is not something money can buy.. gifts i can make.. probs we can solve together.. even something very very simple can be very very unique n special.. i noe theres somebody who is able to take care of u.. using his life to protect u.. gives u 100% attention alwaz.. will remind u to take ur medicine.. watch over u while u r asleep.. starve himself if u dun take ur meals.. tell u silly jokes and laugh the hell out with you.. lend a shoulder for u to lean on when ur sad.. answer ur call even in the middle of the nite during the wee hours if u cant get to slp.. will alwaz be there for you.. alwaz trust you.. alwaz believe in you.. alwaz love u.. go ni ichi.. ichi san ichi yon.. san san yon yon.. =)
Posted by BeBe at 11:03 PM